Miniature Golf 2

Although just outside one of our nation s most popular national parks, there are no glass-and-steel condominiums, no cappuccino shops, no traffic jams. Cave City retains its quaint, Kentucky hill atmosphere. Oh sure, there are the golden arches, motels, and gas stations found along any interstate highway, but the rest of Cave City is a rustic example of ticky-tacky tourism. On a recent visit to Mammoth Cave, we pulled in to Cave City to have a look around.

The first thing we saw as we left the freeway was Guntown Mountain/Wild West Attraction, complete with cable car rides, a Ferris wheel, and cave tours. Lining the road to the park, were bumper boats and miniature golf courses. Next to

a pay fishing pond, which was hardly more than a mud puddle, larger than life statues portrayed a female hillbilly hound chasing her no-account husband hound with a raised frying pan. Nearby, there was an alpine slide, horse stables, a haunted house, a haunted maze, and antique shops. The tackiest of all was a Golgotha theme park, topped with three wooden crosses, and skirted by a go-cart track. There were tombstones at every hole on the miniature golf course.

Closer to the park, rock shops featured cut-your-own geodes, arrowheads, fossils, and hawked colorful chunks of glass slag as exotic artifacts. Every gift shop had souvenir shot glasses, little silver spoons, tiny silver bells, commemorative salt-and-pepper shakers, rulers, coffee mugs, key-chains,

and banners, all decorated with Kentucky or Mammoth Cave logos. They all had corncob pipes, coal carvings, local chewing tobacco, and sugar-smoked hams.

With a dollar, we paid our way through a curtained doorway in the back of one such shop. It opened to a wildlife museum containing the musty, moldering remnants of stuffed, exotic and domestic animals. Behind the glass of one exhibit, an eastern coyote stalked its prey a sad, neglected squirrel (on its back) stiff legs pointing skyward. Down the road, a wax museum boasted look-alikes of history s famous, presidents to performers, and the entire cast of the Last Supper. Cave-tour billboards were ubiquitous. There was even a Wigwam Motel, where instead of cabins,

15 concrete teepees in a semi-circle faced the highway.

Why is it, when America goes on vacation, Dad plans a route of historic sights and amazing natural wonders all stops interesting and educational, but all the kids want to do is play miniature golf? We saw them here. The family vehicle, over-loaded with all the trappings of a voyage across the continent, pulled to the side of the road, its occupants happily whacking golf balls through the turning blades of a miniature windmill. Dad looked frustrated to be playing miniature golf this close to the longest cave in the world, but was probably happy just to have them out of the car for a while.

The Cave City

newspaper, ironically named The Progress, was a refreshing barometer of the social health of Kentucky s small towns. Instead of the indecent personal ads we saw back in big city newspapers, the news in Cave City reported something like: Bill and Bertha Henry went to the Horse Cave Cafe for dessert and coffee after enjoying a show at the Horse Cave Theater last Wednesday night. They were reported to have had thoroughly enjoyed the evening.

In one issue, there were advertisements for every church in town along with a schedule of the area s most popular gospel singing groups. There were engagement, wedding and anniversary notices, the results of the volunteer fire department Children s Beauty Pageant, and

an announcement for the Cave City Kids Parade. There was a picture of Bobby Thornton holding a 23-pound flathead catfish caught in the Nolin Reservoir, and a picture of Fluffy the cat and Bubba Robertson (the fireman who rescued her from a house fire).

I read a notice for the annual civic celebration the Cave City-Floyd Collins Good Ole Days, held the second weekend in August. Events included a black bean supper (all the beans and cornbread you can eat for $3.00), lawn mower pulls, face painting, and the Groove Grinders dance band. Plus, Archie and Junior play the Irish fiddle and guitar. There was to be a kids peddle pull, an outhouse race, cow patty bingo and chip

toss, the Barren River Cloggers, a pet show, a Caveman Chorus, antique tractor pulls, and adult fun contests. I have no idea what adult fun contests are, so don t ask. But it was obvious the Cave City-Floyd Collins Good Ole Days had something for everyone. If you ever plan to visit Mammoth Cave, make sure that Cave City is on the way.

Norm Rogers is the author of Underground Legacy, a Fellow of the National Speleological Society, and member of the Honorable Order of Kentucky Colonels. You can visit his website at [http://www.normrogers.8m.com/] http://www.normrogers.8m.com/